Read more

Read more

This week, I was up against the people pleasing that’s shaped my whole life.

Here it was again.

Someone mishandled my kindness and has…for years.

Now it’s time for boundaries and accountability.

Really uncomfy ones.

Because “nice” and “soft” got me exactly nowhere.

All week I’ve been hearing lyrics from Taylor Swift’s “Father Figure” in my mind, (“Mistake my kindness for weakness and find your card cancelled”) but I don’t have a ruthless bone in my body. So they land in a thud.

Thankfully…

Cringe-fully…

My husband was not born with a people pleasing cell in his body. Not even one. So he’s leading the charge on this particular “justice” but I have to go, too.

Literally. To court.

So as I sat crying in my healing class…

I saw it so clearly.

The wound of my mom, who would make me the villain for having any boundaries.

And that’s what is happening here.

I am feeling like the villain even though I’m just a lady holding someone accountable for what they promised.

It’s an old wound with a newer person.

And I know enough about healing wounds to know if I skip this lesson, it will come around bigger and more painfully.

So I healed on it.

And I heard through my tears a profound message emerge from my wounded heart. I wanted to share today in case it helps you.

“I didn’t want a lesson, I wanted a mom.”

“I didn’t want a lesson, I wanted a friend.”

So I grieved that I didn’t get what I wanted.

Grieved hard.

Cried it out the whole rest of class.

Knowing that I’m here to realize I want relationships that are energetically clear and reciprocal in their love, kindness, and flow.

There are people in our lives who are more unwell than we want them to be.

And if we stay in a toxic dance with them, we’re unwell, too.

Because I could have a mom as long as I followed her game plan for life.

I could have a friend as long as I showed up for them, no matter the harmful choices they were making.

Because I like to judge myself harshly, I am tempted to see my pain as entitlement.

My brain says mean things to me like, “What makes you think you get to have only loving relationships, not lessons? Who told you life would be without lessons? How entitled, Sarah.”

Like I don’t get to have human pain and resistance.

It’s ok that I wanted a mom not a lesson.

It’s ok that I still hold out hope for a miracle…that this person, who I hoped to be friends with, didn’t show up the way she promised.

And it’s ok for me to show up for the lesson kicking and screaming. (Metaphorically.)

So I will learn the lessons and grieve the relationships.

Tomorrow, I’ll take my still open wound, sit smack dab in the boundary I’m holding, and I will squirm.

But I know I’m healing. That this is in integrity.

And even when we’re in integrity it can hurt like hell.

This week, as I’ve been walking through this “even when” moment and have been helping clients through their own versions of this, I’ve been repeating what my mentor, Katie, says a lot:

“You can be doing great and feeling like crap.”

So even when you feel like crap…

If you are showing up for what life is helping you heal…that’s the work.

Even.

When.

Thanks for being here,

Sarah Stokes

Business Joy Coach

Founder of The Juicy Good Life

Author of “Worth the Squirm: How Our Business Helps Us Heal”

P.S.

This week I’ll be sharing the latest “Even. When. Toolkit” (my thank you to those who support this Substack) and it’s expounding on this idea…Actors in our play. Thank you to those who subscribe!

If you want help working through the squirms of business, I’m your lady.

Get weekly business coaching in a non-judgemental, supportive ecosystem. Should Free Six Figures is the place! www.shouldfreesixfigures.com

I got my credit card out this morning.

Hooked by a “bro marketing” ad.

There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m a grown up. I chose it.

But I chose it for a reason.

And you knowing what happens when you fall into the “take my money” trap is going to be so helpful.

It happens for me (find yours) in two typical patterns…

Either I’m 1) a few days away from “moon time,” and I want every dress on Instagram or I’m needing to be supported and instead of being with those feelings, I choose a new business hack or chips and chocolate.

Since it was 8 a.m. and not 8 p.m., it was the business hack that gave me the dopamine and serotonin hit.

If it was 8 p.m., for sure the pantry and cupboards would see me standing in front of them looking for salt and sweet.

I wish this was the beginning of the story where I now sit down, get the full ROI from this shiny object and go and make millions with this new whatever I bought (frankly, I don’t even remember, which is total evidence that it was cheap dopamine).

But instead, it will sit in my inbox, with a star next to it, and rot in the “course graveyard.”

Some business coaches might steer clear of sharing these stories, for fear of judgement. Good news, I know who I am and am willing to share it to hopefully help you.

Every time I see myself reach for the chips or the course hacks, it helps me understand the tears of the business owners I can help the most.

It helps me have compassion and understanding for the woman in the networking room who says, “I invested and didn’t get the results."

I can show up as the open-hearted helper when someone is afraid they won’t get any ROI. That they’ll hide again.

Because I’ve been the lady staying quiet in the back of a virtual room that was a big investment.

Scared to do it wrong, feeling heavy because the guilt of not taking action is exhausting.

I saw it this morning. Not just in the $47 course I bought.

But in the rooms of action takers.

My brain thinks I need to go back to the beginning, do it perfectly, follow every rule about posting, then I can get support.

That day never comes.

So I see you, friend. If you are sitting here on a Monday with open space and good intentions, then nothing happens, I fully understand.

The desire to get it right can keep us in perpetual “when-then.”

The when-then life I write about in a chapter in my book is that life that keeps us planning for perfection that never happens.

When I watch this $47 course, then I will sell my new offer.

When I get two full hours to work on this article, I’ll launch my Substack.

When I lose 20 pounds, I’ll put on that in-person event.

Whatever flavor your when-then is…

It can be an addictive loop, too.

Just like the dopamine chase.

If we are always living for a future that’s sexier than our present, we miss a whole bunch of joy in the enoughness of now.

No matter why it’s happening…

Trying to nurture ourselves…

An executive function situation…

Or distractions that keep us avoiding our potency…

There’s no need to shame and blame ourselves.

I’m not mad at morning me who bought a thing.

I am a little sad for her.

She’s needing a hug and a reminder to trust herself.

She needs to remember who the hell she is. That she’s an amazing coach who helps so many women create juicy good lives and businesses.

That she’s the human she needed as a child. That she’s a fierce advocate and courageous guide.

That she’s a real-life-love-led-strategic mind who’s created multi-million dollar companies and every dream her young self had.

Your turn.

Who are YOU?

Even. When. You chase dopamine.

Even. When. It feels easier to hide.

Even. When. You forget.

These “take my money, make me feel better” moments like today are building blocks.

Each time we get more aware of what’s actually happening, the support we really crave, we get closer to choosing it.

And friends, it’s also how we can craft support for others in our businesses.

These dopamine levers? I know how to pull them to get you to hand me your money. But I specifically designed my business to help women who might be neuromagical, so I don’t dangle dopamine. It wouldn’t be correct. I want your SOUL YES.

The rooms where we have so many rules we stay quiet in case we’d get it wrong? Yeah, I make it a point not to have too many rules so you don’t have to worry (we don’t need them in the spaces I create because it’s full of golden hearts who are not takers).

I know as I type this, many would say I’m leaving money on the table…

I am.

But I don’t want cheap dopamine money. I am offering long lasting joy. I don’t want to go to your course graveyard.

I want to be on the front porch of life with you, celebrating, crying, succeeding, learning, and squirming through the sweaty stuff…

Because when we do…

Life gets Juicy Good.

Even. When.

I have a coach who’s KILLIN’ it on Substack. I am cheering so loud. I am inspired!

She’s taken her spark, added oxygen, and now has a full-on fire of success happening.

It’s amazing! She’s the one who got me going on Substack seven or so months ago.

It’s been a beautiful place for me to process the “Even When-ness” of life as a business owner who’s awake …

Read more

Read more

There was a moment I stood up from this very table at a women’s networking event in 2022 and used my voice in a new way.

My face was red, my voice wobbled.

It was probably jarring for most people who only saw “polished business lady Sarah” or “TV News Anchor Sarah”.

I was unofficially and unknowingly launching my advocacy era.

I stood up and told that room full of women (it was appropriate given the conversations we were having) that no matter what kind circumstance, fear in your brain, or doubters come at your dream…

PROCEED ANYWAY.

I was armpit-deep in the throes of a pretty gnarly time in my personal and business life.

I was closing a successful chapter. It was hard and it was correct.

Because I knew where my heart was leading me.

It was leading me to take my business coaching practice full time.

It meant I had some monumental hurdles to jump.

But I held that vision even when it got hard and I ended up in tears or in a fight with my business partner/husband.

Money got insanely tight.

My marriage got insanely fragile.

My self belief got insanely tested.

I proceeded anyway.

That rough time is several years in my rear-view mirror now.

We are living the dream my past self held so tight to…even. when.

We are the happiest we’ve ever been in our 20-year marriage.

I’ve healed so much. Stepped into my power. Claimed my dream.

Recalibrated. Rested. Refocused. Refueled.

And…

The last year of being an American in this time in history took a big swing at my future focus because of the atrocities happening and the dumb-f-ery in general…

So I learned to get really present.

Felt all the feels (there were a TON of unwanted emotions to feel since November of 2024 amIright?).

And I let myself process it. Rage at it. Create new community spaces to deal with it.

If you read this Substack, you saw me wrestle. I know you wrestled, too.

And now I’m saying no to letting the bullies steal our future joy.

I’ve been seeing so many of us call for a matriarchy (No, that does not mean women have power over…in case that triggers a fear response. Quick google will help with that.) and that sounds lovely and it still puts the power outside of us. It still sounds like a superhero is coming to organize a new way of being.

But I realized (for the 567th time in my adult life) that we are building our future right now.

And now.

And…now.

With every decision we make to proceed anyway.

Even. When.

I’m channeling the woman I was all those years ago at that networking event. The Sarah who knows there will always be something to drag us down. That it truly feels like we can’t move our dreams forward right now.

But we get to choose where we’re heading, dammit.

• So how can you proceed anyway with your dream today?

• What future can you start to create with a small decision right now?

• What’s on your heart?

• Can you take that step?

Because that’s how we create the world we want. Even. When.

Love ya. You got this. You don’t have to do it alone.

Proceeding anyway right alongside you,

Sarah Stokes

Business Joy Coach

Founder of The Juicy Good Life

Believer in Miracles

P.S.

A retreat called “Make Room for the Miracle: A Business Leadership Retreat” was born out of my desire to help you move your dreams forward.

If you’d like to check it out, here’s the scoop: https://the-juicy-good-life.mykajabi.com/offers/4bo8ULRN/checkout

And if you’d like, I have a series of free workshops coming up here: https://the-juicy-good-life.mykajabi.com/foundations-of-business-joy

I have a confession to make.

Yes, it’s a bit caffeine fueled.

But I did it again.

I let my mission be hijacked by my moral outrage.

AGAIN.

It’s pretty much the story of 2025 and I’m trying like hell for it not to be my 2026.

What am I talking about?

I sat down with my plan for the morning, which is to promote and set up the ticket page for a beautiful new retreat I’m hosting.

And to what did my wandering eyes should appear? (Not sure why the badly quoted Christmas storybook line is coming up.)

But something to be pissed about.

Once again our government and the people who carry water for this awful patriarchy got me hooked.

I always know when I start to get a little short on oxygen.

My righteous indignation kicks in hard.

And poof!

There goes my hour to work on my mission.

Then what typically happens is I will just stay hooked and distracted, trying to reason with facts and logic online (OY does that have diminishing returns) and then the energy to do the thing I planned to do is vaporized.

So today I came here instead.

Writing is super healing for me.

It helps me own my part. Say it out loud. Name it.

Here’s what I’m doing and why it’s not working.

It also helps me reflect on what will shift it.

Because beating myself up for it will not really do anything to help long term.

But seeing it on “paper” does give me just enough space to see where the pain is.

The part that wants to be loved on.

And today, as I reflect with you (although I’m typing really fast because of that caffeine I mentioned) I see that it is deep and old.

The part of me that wishes SO BADLY that the people (whomever I’m frustrated with) would have a clear enough heart to hear.

To hear the facts.

The reason.

The logic.

That comes from my wounds growing up in a household with two humans who couldn’t see past their pain to hear mine.

So that is kicked up with the politics of today.

The malignant narcissist in charge has me in an old loop from my past…

Where I was repeatedly hurt no matter how unjust.

No matter how much I gave or placated.

And since I’m a grown woman with my own children now…it becomes mama bear energy.

No one faults us for wanting justice for the people in the crosshairs of this nightmare.

No one faults me for standing up to it day after day.

But I do.

I fault myself for not having enough bandwidth to fight fascism AND post about my retreat today.

I fault myself for getting hooked.

I fault myself for being lured back into the lose-lose of it.

It’s a trap for me to try to reason with someone who doesn’t see an immigrant as worthy of humane treatment.

It’s a trap for me to try to reason with someone who’s lost to Fox News and propaganda.

It’s a trap for me to do anything other than advocate.

And while all of the above is true…

There is a helpful outcome buried in there.

In this season, me getting my voice has been the biggest transformation.

Another piece in the healing.

Even when it comes from me practicing fighting trolls, bots, and women with internalized misogyny.

It’s not all a waste (like my brain wants me to believe).

Am I spinning this to make myself feel better? Maybe. Maybe it’s true.

But old me would have deleted every post that was confrontational. I wouldn’t have wanted to hold the discomfort. I would have just tapped out. That was an old coping mechanism we like to call “flight”.

And I don’t do that anymore.

That’s progress.

Even. When.

Even when it feels like I’m doing it wrong.

Even when it steals my joy.

Even when I’m emotionally hooked.

So this very piece you’re reading is progress, too.

I shifted the old cycle.

Two days ago me would have kept scrolling. Finding new ways to be pissed.

Probably grabbed some Girl Scout cookies and felt frustrated.

Today me might still have a cookie with a side of righteousness (because I’m a freaking human and I do think it’s correct to advocate for human freaking rights!).

But I shifted it just a little.

Stretching myself toward a more healed me.

And maybe that will make a little room in my heart to work on my mission.

That retreat I’m getting ready to offer?

“Make Room for the Miracle”.

Yep.

It’s right there in the title.

It’s my medicine.

Maybe yours, too, if you found this today.

How can we make room for a miracle…

Even. When.

Love you.

Sarah

P.S. Thank you to those who support this work. As a perk of being a paid subscriber, I create a private training on something helpful each month. Hilariously, last month’s was all about how to move through the nervous system activation after taking a stand. BAH!

You can’t make this stuff up. Our business helps us heal and mine sure does. Every day. Even. When.

Where do we aim our blame?

Watch very carefully where we, the American people, start to aim our blame now.

As I hold the heartbreak for the mothers in the U.S. (Yes, all family members are in my heart…I am a mother so I feel that piece deeply, not trying to exclude others) I also start to feel heartbreak for the mothers who lost their babies in Iran today.

And I feel every prayer for our troops. I am afraid for their safety and wellbeing.

I feel every rage-filled post calling out this administration. Congress.

All of it gets to come along for this painful ride.

And after the tears fell this morning, the messages to friends with kids in harms way went out, I started to sift through all the complexity…

Something started to rise.

A generational wound.

One that started before I was born.

My dad went to Vietnam as a teenager.

He talks about it being the poor kids and the minorities going.

He was a poor kid.

He left healthy and scared and came home changed. Tormented in ways he only lets out in rare moments.

But what did get talked about my whole life…

Was how the protestors were the villains.

Jane Fonda was the problem.

And while I condemn every protestor who yelled, “Baby killer” or spit at our troops, inside me, even as a ten-year-old girl, I didn’t think it was one-sided.

Protestors don’t do it for fun.

They do it because they want change.

And troops don’t go into life-altering (or ending) wars for fun.

They go because they are willing to serve.

And all the while…

We have to compartmentalize to survive the pain.

The painful truths that are too raw to look at.

The innocent children killed in villages.

Your baby, barely out of high school, having to do things that no one wishes for them.

And we blame the wrong people.

Every time.

Because it’s easier, more accessible than blaming the powers that be. The corruption that fuels the war machine, not considering the waves of pain and trauma in the wake of the billion-dollar contracts that prop up economies…

Or worse.

Distract from disturbing crimes.

Keep shareholders happy.

These empty reasons are usually camouflaged by something noble enough to pass with most news viewers.

But if you sort through the rhetoric and the soundbites…

There’s nothing noble enough to keep causing this pain.

So people protest or they double down on patriotism.

Both help us feel like we have some semblance of power in a world where it’s too much to hold the fact that people are pawns.

But when protestors and patriots (I believe protestors are also patriots but for writing’s sake I’m keeping it stereotypical, hope you catch that) start to aim their blame at each other, we are pointing our pain in the wrong place.

And by God, 50 some years later I am afraid we’re going to repeat that pattern.

Some dad somewhere is going to teach his kid that the protestors were the bad guys. Some college kid will blame a soldier who had to deploy. (Yes, more stereotypes for effect.)

And will we learn the lesson this time?

That we are on the same side? The side of America? The People?

That we need to aim our blame at the REAL villains?

The ones who put money above mankind?

Who would rather create chaos than plan for peace?

If I can do anything today…it’s to get really clear on the lesson here for me and to share it with you.

Because I’ve mapped my decades on this planet…and I’ve been under many illusions of what it means to be an American.

Today…

It means to call out the ones responsible.

To end the “either-you’re-a-patriot-or-a-problem” talk I grew up with.

It means I hold complexity.

I hold the troops, the people in the path of destruction, and those crying out for change all in my heart and all at once.

To heal this pain inside myself…

The part of me that blamed the wrong people, too.

The part of me that discharged discomfort with the most accessible humans instead of calling out the “man”.

Because it’s not my dad’s fault he needed someone to blame for his pain. There were zero tools to deal with the mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional destruction.

But it became my responsibility to make sure I don’t just discharge my discomfort.

That my kids don’t see me putting the blame on troops or protestors…

But squarely with those in charge.

Even. When. it feels futile.

Impossible.

Frustrating and soul crushing.

Even. When.

Read more

I was surprised with an award earlier this month.

It is deeply meaningful and from an organization that is absolutely incredible.

I was honored. Humbled.

The people who are the heartbeat of this organization are true earth angels.

It’s a dream come true type of operation for kids in need…one I love to share about and advocate for.

So when the leader gave me a beautiful award…it landed in my heart and the gratitude rolled out of my eyes.

Of course, right away, the “but you do all the hard stuff, I’m just doing what comes naturally to me,” resistance to receiving started.

Thanks, brain.

But my heart could hear her.

My heart knew that even if it’s natural for me to cheer on this incredible organization, it’s still what the woman at the center of it all needs to feel supported. What she does alongside the other volunteers gets really hard.

So my brain spit out the resistance to receiving (how many times do we do that?) and then we took a picture.

And my inner critic did something that I know yours might do, too.

How do I know?

Because I heard at least two other women have this happen in the same week with different photos of themselves.

When I saw the award photo, my inner voice tried to erase the accomplishment.

My insecurities tried to vaporize the big heart of the woman in the photo and wanted to tell me about all the ways the big thighs and belly were what mattered.

My old wounding wanted to focus on the overhead lighting and my forehead shadowing my eyes, not the depth of the care I feel for the kids helped by this very organization.

Forgive my swear here…

But what an asshole my brain was being.

That is a jerk move, brain.

And I know I’m not alone.

Just when you think you’re really grounded in who you are and how you feel about yourself…

You can’t see past a picture.

In business it might take the form of you not being able to see past your “bad month” or how you avoid your bookkeeping tasks…

Not that you helped someone have a huge breakthrough.

It shows up in the hyperfocus on your bank account or how you hate marketing…

Not how freaking good you are at what you deliver and how it makes their lives better.

So this post isn’t really about me feeling “ugh” about a photo.

It’s about how we lose the plot.

I’m starting to cry…so I’ve hit the golden nugget here.

My love…

Where are YOU losing the plot?

Are you seeing flaws no one else sees and letting it steal your joy?

Are you hearing an inner voice that has old pain on a loop?

Are you giving your victories ten seconds and your self-doubt ten years?

Because, yeah.

I get it. I see you.

And I want to invite us to lovingly take back our truth. Our joy. Our power.

It’s not always a switch that’s easily flipped.

It takes conscious awareness.

Loving curiosity.

Lots of healing.

It takes feeding that brain new evidence.

What IS true?

What is true about the lady in the photo I wanted to rip myself apart for:

She was overjoyed that her love for kids was helpful to a life-uplifting organization.

She was so happy to be in the presence of the woman who made this organization possible.

She felt congruence in her soul.

She knows who she is and she’s full of courage to keep taking steps toward the world she wants to see.

She was so happy to have spent time with one of her heroes doing the work she admires so much.

And after writing this… she’s not going to let her human insecurities hijack the truth of who she really is.

And that is my wish for you today.

The next time you feel the crushing weight of insecurity…

Can you ask yourself what is actually true about your heart and soul?

Because no overhead lighting can steal that from you.

Even. When. it tries to.

Love ya.

Sarah

I find it fascinating when I get really caught up in certain people’s posts. It happened to me again last night.

I was disgusted, but mostly sad. When I have this big of a reaction, I try hard to ask myself: What in ME is this bringing up?

Usually, I don’t want to look.

If I’m really triggered, it’s usually something I don’t want to identify with at all. It’s usually a flavor of ignorance, selfishness, privilege, or worse.

Something I judge harshly.

I’ve heard the things we won’t accept in ourselves are some of our biggest triggers.

So it’s muddy work. The mystics would call it shadow work.

And it was UP last night.

I was deep in despair. Feeling like I wanted to send this person all the factual posts that would help her see the light.

But what I needed to do was to be with the truth that I have to do two things: see what is is I am rejecting inside me that’s being mirrored through this post…and I needed to grieve it.

Part one: *UGH I DON’T LIKE THIS.

What is hooking me in this particular post and with this person (what am I judging as “bad”)? 👉 Privilege. I’m better than you vibes. Shaming people. Using a method that is intellectually presented, but underneath it’s fully manipulative.

Ok, so if you want to learn how to do this, too when you’re emotionally hooked…we now look within to see where we pretend we don’t embody some of this stuff (your hooks will be different than mine).

So we take each hook piece by piece next and see where it lives inside us. Not because we’re bad…because we’re human and we contain multitudes.

I want to think I don’t let my privilege blind me, but so much is embedded, I will likely always be blind to my unearned advantages.

I’m better than you vibes…oh boy do I reject this in me, but it’s for sure in there.

Shaming people: I’ve been actively working on identifying shame and unshaming my work but I absolutely still wind up doing it.

Intellectual presentation that is actually manipulation? For sure. Sometimes I’m too strategic and use my powers for persuasion on purpose. I know how to leverage information.

What comes after the identification process? For me? A lot of rationalizing.

The ego and the justice warrior tell me how when these parts of me show up it’s for the greater good and I don’t do it to harm anyone, I’m fighting for justice.

And the healing parts of me know that it can be true and we can still have a lot of inner work to do. So we move to the next part.

Part two: Grieve it.

I wrote about this earlier this morning…it just wanted to come out:

Feel weighed down?

Heavy?

Empty tank?

Grieve it.

Grief is under all of it.

It’s under the rage and despair.

It’s under the betrayal.

Grief.

Grieve the person who doesn’t see the harm.

Grieve the person you wouldn’t tell where Anne Frank was hiding.

Grieve the person you now see would excuse or protect an abuser.

Grieve the person who still shares factually incorrect propaganda.

Grieve it.

Grieve the person you were before you read a few pages of the files or saw the executions.

Grieve who you could have been.

What we could have been.

Because grief is heavy.

And it’s what needs to be felt so despair doesn’t pin us to the ground.

Grieve and move.

Move toward people who get it.

Move toward community care.

Move toward the future we are building next.

This train of thought about grief might be enough for a social media post to help others feel less alone…

But here on the “Even. When.” page I created, I want to go deeper with you.

That this grief isn’t just about others.

It’s about the parts of us we wish were different.

The grief we have at the person we were who maybe didn’t have the tools to advocate for herself and others.

The grief we have at the years we lost with people who betrayed us. Who ignore our cries.

The grief we have at what could have been for the past year.

The grief we have when we don’t feel strong enough to take on injustice.

The grief we have that we don’t get to be carefree. Maybe we never were.

The grief we have for the suffering of others and ourselves.

It’s deep. It’s painful. It’s gritty.

But we can pour the heaviness of our grief into bricks that we build with.

A brick for every mother who is afraid.

A brick for everyone hiding.

A brick for the rage we feel.

A brick for every injustice.

When I am grounded enough to see through the grief, I lean on a quote from Valarie Kaur:

“What if this darkness is not the darkness of the tomb, but the darkness of the womb?”

She led this prayer in 2016: https://valariekaur.com/2016/11/a-sikh-prayer-for-america-on-november-9th-2016/

I am listening to it right now. It’s powerful.

It will be my prayer today as I grieve. As I build the future we want with you. Brick by brick.

Love you.

Sarah

In the same week I stood under this miraculous sky full of deep crimson, blues, and greens…tragedies and triumphs were happening in my home state.

I’d never seen anything like it.

In either scenario.

Minnesotans holding the line against brutality.

The aurora dancing all the way to the horizon.

My heart aches for a world where we choose to live in the miracle of awe and wonder.

But on a Saturday morning in January, under the same frigid sky, a man chose to end another man.

And it changed us. Again.

We could be changed by miracles, to be in deep reverence to each sentient being. To let the wonder of this planet dazzle us. To let little ones in bunny ear hats be the center of our collective love, not pawns in a political game.

But we are forced to exist alongside cruelty.

I saw a new wave of despair. To people just waking up to the realities.

I saw frustration in the communities who have been working for justice for so long.

I saw defeat drop in.

Our nervous systems are being hijacked so much of course despair is in the air.

And there’s a quote about our hearts breaking open again and again until they stay open.

So I hold onto hope.

Even.

When.

How?

Through community.

Through tiny steps forward.

Through making my mind remember the world I want my kids to get to live in.

Admittedly, it’s ben really tough. My brain wants to just focus on the threats.

So I keep walking it back to what is in my control.

I can be a friend.

I can be a voice.

I can put together little programs that help us cope.

I can donate.

I can call my lawmakers.

I can support people online who are speaking out.

I can shop local and remind others to do the same.

I can plan and plug into mutual aid.

I can help my clients so they are resourced to help their clients.

That helps everyone’s ecosystem do a bit better.

And when we can just keep taking one little step…keep letting our heart break open instead of into pieces…keep holding the vision for where we want to go…

We move collectively forward.

Even.

When.

I love you. You are not alone. Miracles are out there. Let’s go be a witness to them.

Sarah

P.S.

I just uploaded the new “Even. When. Toolkit” that is a way for you to make a plan to be resourced so you can keep moving. It should be free this time so everyone can access the questions that I hope help.

It’s here:

It is lovingly facilitated by Business Joy Coach Sarah Stokes, and you do not need a business to use this plan. It’s for anyone who wants to show up more resourced in a world that feels depleting.

Read more

A year of learning to navigate some heinous stuff and try to still do life.

Much like the discomfort of any unwanted season, I just want it to hurry up and be done.

But here we are.

Learning how to move through life “Even. When.”

So I am adding another set of boundaries into my already uncomfortable set of boundaries.

Time and energy boundaries.

My work and growth didn’t stop in the first 90% of 2025, but come the holidays, I had zero “spoons” left. (Spoons in the slang world represents energy.)

I knew if something didn’t change my life and work would suffer.

And I’m not willing to hand over my life and work to psychopaths in office.

So I had to make a new boundary.

No doomscrolling during my “work” hours.

That meant I needed to define work hours beyond just the Zoom appointments I have with clients.

And I did it.

Only slipped a couple of times and caught it right away.

I am a week in and it has saved me 33 hours of cortisol spikes.

I am still able to show up and advocate. Powerfully.

I only lost 33 hours of doomscrolling.

Rage bait that was starting to impact me around the clock, not just when the apps were open.

Last year me would have been really pissed at this boundary because she would have argued that it’s privileged to be able to log off.

Yes. And.

As the breadwinner, I know that if I’m not generating financial resources for my family, we all suffer.

As an advocate, I want to stay self-employed so I am hampered by no one. Limited by no company. Time and choice freedom to help where and when I choose.

And that requires boundaries.

It has required a ton of self-exploration too.

Where was I falling into compulsive behavior?

(Yes, the old reporter habits of having to see every ounce of breaking news are real…and it was more of a compulsive addictive vibe)

Where was I feeling powerless?

What are my self-centered fears? (Borrowed from the world of AA’s “Step 4”)

And I decided to anchor back into what kind of advocate I want to be.

Educated.

Clear.

Open-hearted.

Grounded.

Empowered.

That led me to continue the work I already do with myself and clients.

What’s a “should”?

What leads you to your mission?

(Mine at The Juicy Good Life is to reduce suffering and amplify joy)

What helps you show up the way you want to lead?

These are the questions I hope you ask.

We’re not wrong for getting caught up in rage bait.

We’re living in triggering times.

Your empowered leadership is so needed.

Even. When.

Love you,

Sarah

P.S. As a thank you to the paid subscribers, each month I do a new training on how to navigate life in the “Even. When. Toolkits” - there’s one on boundaries if you need additional help in this area. When you subscribe you unlock all of them. Thank you for being here

.

December’s subscriber bonus is a reflection and dreaming toolkit - simple, beautiful, and useful.

Whether you do this on Solstice, New Year’s Eve, or Lunar New Year (or just a random Monday sometime)…let yourself fully bask in the beauty of you!

Read more

What in the actual hell are we doing, America?

In addition to the daily doom…

Tonight I felt the pain of so many self-insured folks and business owners.

Our health insurance hopes slipping through our fingertips.

News of economic red flags waving in our peripheral vision.

Human rights violations utilizing what little extra brain power we have.

We want to help people…

And what in the Sam Hill are we going to do to help ourselves?

The giant lift that seems to be required has me deflated like a balloon behind the bleachers three days after prom.

So tonight I’m ranting here and on Threads.

Crying inside.

Trying to keep the thoughts at bay that are signs old poverty vibes want to come out to play.

Peeled the mold off the edge of the cheese yesterday instead of throwing it.

Silently wondered if I should sign my kid up for that extra basketball league.

Wanted to cry when our water heater quit tonight and needs a part.

Asked my accountant how long we can pay off the huge tax bill we are getting this year.

I should be grateful.

I had a great year, I have a healthy family, and all the tools I need to create money.

And yet…

Defeated is the mood.

The 80s song about needing a hero is coming in now.

But all the astrology I love to read says we’re not getting saved and we’re in this constriction for a couple of years.

GREAT.

And tomorrow me is going to talk to other business owners about what we CAN do about it.

How we CAN come together and solve for some of this scarcity.

But tonight…I’m sighing. I’m pissed. I’m sad. I’m dismayed.

Tomorrow me…

She’s probably more badass.

She’s partnering with the divine instead of hissing his name.

She’s got a plan to help other women who feel like this.

Even.

When.

What is it that you need to be real about and feel tonight?

Here to say…whatever it is…you get to feel it.

Love ya.

Sarah

It’s what I have on a post it note to the left of where I’m sitting right now.

My mentor gave our healing group that advice about a year ago.

Under all the angst…

Grief.

Under all the frustration…

Grief.

Under all the despair…

Grief.

A year ago I was coming to terms with what the next four years under this cruel administration would mean for our world. For the people I love. For our collective future.

The stages of grief totally apply, too.

Shock, anger, denial, bargaining, depression…(no sign of acceptance and I’m ok with that) have all had their share of time in the past year of life.

So as I sit here watching the snow fall and seeing a cute squirrel eat my moldy raspberries…

I am grieving.

So much pain has happened alongside all the joy of the past year.

And from what I understand as a human design geek, we have two years of “limitation of resources” that will bring out more of our creative potential.

(For human design peeps…it’s the transit coming in of gate 41 in Pluto)

UGHHHHHHHH.

I want it all fixed.

I don’t want to be forged in the fire.

Do you?

I want to have a soft life where I don’t have to worry the president will use the “R-word” or call a reporter “Piggy”.

But here we are.

So we grieve the four years we could have had.

We grieve setbacks.

Grieve who we thought we knew in our circles.

Grieve the loved ones hooked on Fox News.

And if we actually let ourselves grieve it, my mentor told us, we can actually move through the darkest of dark times.

As I’ve been moving through the cycles of grief lately…I notice how it’s actually helped push me to heal and shift parts of myself I wouldn’t have…

The part of me unwilling to set boundaries.

The part of me that needed to take a stand out loud.

The part of me that used to be a “love is big enough” lady who didn’t want to see there are actual monsters among us.

The part of me that would never name harm publicly for fear of hurting someone’s feelings (the person doing harm would get many a hall pass from old me).

So while I grieve who we could have been…

I really like who this version of me is becoming.

She is an advocate who’s pulled together amazing communities this year.

She is a spark plug to make helpful shit happen.

She is a more fierce ally than she’s ever been.

She’s grieving and growing.

Even.

When.

What has this past year healed/shifted for you?

Please share so you can be witnessed. (If it feels supportive)

I love you.

Grieve it.

Gratefully,

Sarah Stokes

P.S. I just uploaded a new 25-minute “Even. When. Toolkit” as a thank you to paid subscribers. This one is all about how to find and plug leaks that are draining your life force. May it support you. When you become a paid subscriber, you get access to every month’s trainings so far as well!